According to a 2005 Stanford University study that I read recently (I intermix the reading of academic studies with old issues of The Rolling Stone and X-Men comic books), the measure of success in the business world for graduates of the school’s MBA program was not so much the grades they earned in college, but the student’s ability to make conversation in social situations like a mixer for new employees or a business convention.
In other words, a student’s ability to make ‘small talk” (or “shoot the breeze” in other parlance) was worth more than a 4.0 GPA.
Making small talk is a time honored tradition and the practice has been around since the dawn of man. I can see those early Mesopotamians sitting around their fires and saying things like “Hey Thag, this sure is a hot fire, how do you get it so big?” (To which Thag replies, “Sticks my friend, sticks!”)
But participating in small talk is anguishing to some folks, causing them to rush through transactions at the store, face the wall when riding in an elevator and avoid dinner parties all together. We have all been in a place where we were tired, or in a hurry to get somewhere and someone else wanted to make small talk and it just wasn’t the time for it.
And, with the increasing isolation of technology (“Hmm, what should I do this weekend? I know, I’ll stay in and stream all eight seasons of Magnum P.I. on Netflix!”) the art form of small talk is in danger of being phased out all together.
There are little things we do as individuals that may inconvenience us for a minute, or not make sense right away, but add immeasurably to society around us. These are things like letting a car turn in front of you if said car has thirty vehicles waiting behind it (make sure to make a friendly wave if a kind soul does this for you), tipping a morning or holiday wait person a little more and picking up your dog’s leavings so the next person along the way doesn’t have an unpleasant few moments with his shoes.
I would add small talk to this list.
Some folks have to work a little harder at this, but it is worth doing because believe it or not is does add to the overall community feel of where you live.
I was fortunate to have great teachers in High School who believe it or not held classes in how to have a conversation, complete with a final exam which consisted of you and the teacher having an informal chat in front of the class on a subject of the teacher’s choosing. (I got the subject NASCAR, which I still know nothing about, but I asked the right questions and low and behold a conversation appeared! Perhaps this is what led me to a career in journalism.)
In that spirit I offer a few tips on how to get the old conversation ball going:
The weather: This is probably the most common starting point for people everywhere because it is the thing that affects absolutely everybody, and it is almost full proof when it comes to starting chit chat. Since we are currently in a massive heat wave in this part of the country, it’s a safe bet that everyone has some opinion of the weather out there. Don’t be afraid to start here. Embrace the cliché’, but don’t stop there.
Questions: Don’t be afraid to ask questions. This is tough because some folks are embarrassed to show that they don’t know something, but I say embrace asking questions as a life style. (I know my daughter Princess Supergirl sure does.) If that teenager selling you your coffee and sticky bun is wearing a scary rock and roll t-shirt ask them about the band. (“So what does a clown on fire riding a unicorn have to do with music? Ohh!”)
Compliments: It’s amazing how a small compliment can lighten up a whole situation. If your elevator companion has electric blue hair, let her know that it’s “really unique”. Be thoughtful here, because it’s easy to get into trouble quickly (“Ohh, that’s not a cat but really a small dog. My mistake!”), but don’t fear saying something positive to make someone’s day.
Observe: Just a small glance will let you know that someone is perhaps a Harry Potter enthusiast or a passionate kayaker. People love to talk about what they are passionate about (just ask me about my kids sometime), and one or two quick observations can get the conversation snowball going full speed down the mountain.
So go ahead, start that small talk today. You will make someone’s day, contribute to your community and according to the bright folks at Stanford University (they brought us social networking after all) make you more successful.
So, how ‘bout this heat wave?
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