As one of the 90% who post pictures of my wonderful daughters in comical situations or adorable moments around the town ("Look girls, a 'men working' sign; go pick up those shovels and pose for a picture!") I fully apologize to all those who don't understand the big deal.
The big deal is this: We are desperately trying to document something that has a limited shelf life. Like a National Geographic photographer who spots a rare jungle bird at sunset and has three minutes to get a good shot, the parents of our land are taking pictures like a paparazi following Brad Pitt around.
Because there is a clock ticking down.
In one way it's quite literal. My daughters are getting bigger every day, and "horsey rides" around the living room are rapidly descending into my lovely wife saying "let your father up girls, I think he's hurt his back. Help him to the couch and go fetch him the ice pack in the freezer."
There are also cute outfits that the girls wear that we want to get pictures of them in. But, occasionally they grow out of said outfit before we get a chance to get a photo. Sometimes we have held on to an outfit too long because we liked it so much, and the girls have to put a foot down. ("Mom, I can't breathe or raise my hands in this dress! Can we wear something else please!")
Sometimes I think that this also leads to our friends and family thinking that we are more financially hard off that we actually are. ("Son, your mom and I have noticed that the girls are wearing clothing that is three sizes too small for them. Here is $100 dollars. Why don't you guys go buy something nice and size appropriate for them to wear.")
With Halloween around the corner, brace yourself for another onslaught of cute children dressed as Captain America, a scarecrow or in the case of my girls, Batgirl and Spidergirl. (They share their dad's love of superheroes.)
And then there are the great things your children say.
For Christmas last year my parents gave me a notebook that was just for documenting the comic pearls that come out of my girls mouth on a daily basis.
For instance, this tidbit from my oldest daughter said in February of this year: "Dad, I really like Star Wars, especially that Tobacco (Chewbacca) character! He's so funny with his howls and growls."
I'll never be able to watch Star Wars again without thinking of Chewbacca as "Tobacco". I'm not sure how she mistook the immortal Chewbacca The Wookie as the material found in cigars (perhaps it's because they are the same color).
Or take for example my youngest daughter's favorite joke when she was three years old:
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Cheese!"
"Cheese who?"
"Cheese grape!"
Now the words "cheese" and "grape" are not in themselves funny at all, but said with conviction and enthusiasm my an adorable three-year-old in pigtails this joke is on par with anything Jay Leno or John Stewart can come up with on a nightly basis.
Needless to say, my notebook is bursting at the seams. Just the other day I was playing ice cream shop (the Nirvana location of all children, Heaven is basically where God keeps all the ice cream and we get to eat it for eternity without getting cavities or lactose intolerant) with my daughter in her school's sandbox and she topped off a cup of dirt with a few rocks and offered it to me through the ice cream shop window that is set up on the playground.
"What is this" I said, "a banana split?"
"No Dad! It's a gravel smoothie!"
A "gravel smoothie." Brilliant.
I then did something memorable (both for myself and the other kids on the playground). I took a swig of the gravel smoothie.
Now, it's been over 30 years since I last tasted sand in this volume (a big "thank you" goes out to my older sister for introducing me to the taste the first time) and I'd quite forgotten how difficult it is to get all of the particles out of your mouth. I'm still finding small rocks when I floss.
But in a weird way it was worth it, because my daughter (or her friends) will never forget that afternoon of playing, and it's another memory preserved.
So forgive us crazy parents of the world. Please extend us patience and grace as we talk to you about our kids and show you pictures. We are just trying desperately to capture something. We will return to our normal selves soon.
In the meantime, can I offer you a gravel smoothie?
