Dear Mr. Jobs,
Recently, while working my way through a stack of current magazines, I spied the exact same advertisement on the back of each of them for the new generation iPhone and all the nifty applications that can now be purchased for it. There is everything from the useful, (GPS locator, level) to the inspired. (My mother will surely jump on board the iPhone train thanks to that nifty yard sale locator option)
And right then and there it dawned on me that there is a further fortune to be made in coming up with applications that are geared towards the state in which the iPhone owner lives.So if I may be so bold Mr. Jobs, I'd like to get the ball rolling and submit a few iPhone application ideas for my home state of New Hampshire.
The Massachusetts Border Alert Application: With it's no nonsense logo of the state of Massachusetts with a skull and crossbones superimposed over it, this handy dandy feature would sound an alert when the New Hampshire iPhone owner wanders too near to the Massachusetts border and that state's higher taxes, hyper-aggressive drivers and impenetrable accent.
Maple Syrup Tester: This useful option would let the iPhone user test any maple syrup he or she came across for authenticity, because we all know what a shame it is to taste anything but 100% pure New Hampshire maple syrup. The iPhone self cleaning option would be sold separately.
Presidential Primary Season Politician Locator: In the year leading up to a presidential election our fair state is overrun with those who are scurrying for higher office and who will do just about anything for a little publicity. This wonderful feature would let the iPhone user locate the nearest candidate for glad handing, back slapping, baby kissing, or for doing odd jobs around the house. Useful for locating Mitt Romney to clean out your gutters, Al Sharpton to wash your car or Howard Dean to yell and scare away the deer in your vegetable garden. The icon for this feature would be a big pair of lips superimposed over a baby bottle.
New York Yankees Loss Alert: For those iPhone users who are having a rough day, this item will alert you instantly when the Yankees lose a game, have a player test positive for steroids or featured in the tabloids. Makes any Red Sox fan's day brighter.
Thank you for your time Mr. Jobs, I know that it's valuable. I have many other thoughts and ideas to pitch should you find yourself at loss for new iPhone features. I will in fact work for very little, just a new iPhone is all I ask for, and perhaps an application to help me locate a cell phone signal somewhere here in the state.
Sincerely,
Tincan Caldwell
