"Hi Bob, it's Paul up in apartment 7B. I went to use my bathroom sink this morning and it started doing that thing where the water sprays directly up in your face when you turn on the tap. I got a face full of cold water and a pretty wet floor, but otherwise things are okay. It stopped when I turned off the -
What's that Bob, you can't come today? Um, can I ask why?
You're having an existential crisis? That's too bad. As a writer I feel your pain, I've had one all my life. I mean, what does it all mean. What are we supposed to do with our lives and so on. What's causing yours?
You lost your big amateur cage fighting match this weekend, and now you are wondering if your plan to switch careers should go forward? That's a tough one my friend. Now about that waterfountain in my sink.
You say you can stop in tomorrow? Great. See you then.
Tuesday.
BEEP: Hi Bob, Paul here again. I stopped by your office this morning on my way to go get some breakfast at the diner, and I saw the sign that you were out at yoga and would be back soon. I have a meeting out of town today and I'll be gone most of the morning and afternoon. Feel free to just stop in and check out that faucet when you get back. It's starting to spray up a little, even when the taps are closed tight. It seems like a quick fix, and I might do it myself, but I have a deadline to meet this week, and this silly meeting today, so I don't have time to go to the hardware store and do the work. Also, I know that you have that room in the basement filled with pluming supplies, so I'm sure you have what you need in there to get my sink up and running again. Talk to you soon Bob.
Wednesday.
Hi Bob, Paul from 7B here again. I got your message - no Bob, I wasn't yelling at you yesterday afternoon on the street out front. I was just calling out to you to get your attention as you were about to cross the street. Hey, I saw you with your yoga mat again.
Oh, you're up to two sessions per day now? That's great. You must really be relaxed and stress free these days. Oh, speaking of stress, my sister and her family are coming to spend a long weekend with me and as much as I don't mind brushing my teeth and shaving in the kitchen sink, I'm really going to need the whole bathroom up and running to accommodate my family's visit.
You can come up right now! Great!
Thursday.
Hi Bob. It's Paul. Look I'm sorry about not offering you coffee or a snack yesterday when you came up to look at the sink. I'm just really focused on this book deadline and I guess the little details of civility are escaping me right now. If you want to come over today I'll break open this great Costa Rican brew my wife got when she was down there last. It's the best Bob. Maybe we can have lunch? I have this great ham from the deli over on Elm Street. It's tissue-paper thin and fantastic on rye.
You're a vegan? Oh, sorry. Maybe I can go get some humus and pita right now.
Have I ever though about animal rights and how we get our food in 21st century America? You have a documentary you'd like me to see?
Sure! I'd love to see it. Why don't you bring it up right now and while you're here maybe you can look at the bathroom sink again. The spray is now arching out onto the floor and I've got to have a bucket there to catch it all. It's not a big deal as long as I'm around to empty the bucket every hour, but it could be a problem if I every, you know, need to go out.
You're coming up now? Great. I'll get the coffee going.
Friday.
Hi Bob. Look I'm really sorry I wouldn't let your dog in the apartment when you came over yesterday. I know he's you "assistant" maintenance man (by the way, LOVE that cute button on his collar that says that), but my wife is allergic to dogs and if little "Fenway" had come in she would be sneezing and short of breath for a week. I hope you can understand.
No, I love dogs Bob! I really do! I had one named "Springsteen" when I was a kid. He was great. It's just when I decided to marry Julie I had to give up the idea of having a pet dog.
Sorry, sorry. I know dogs aren't pets anymore, they would prefer to be called companions. I'm sensitive to these things Bob, but I need to go EMPTY A BUCKET NOW!
Saturday.
Hi Bob. Paul here. Sorry about hanging up on you yesterday. It's been a really long week, manuscript deadline, waking up every hour at night to change out buckets, it's been pretty draining. (Thanks, that was a good pun!)
I did manage to bang out a new short story in my free moments though. It's about a humble maintenance man who follows his dream of being a mixed martial arts champion and yoga instructor. It came out so good that I'm thinking of turning it into a screen play to submit to the next Northeast Film Festival. I could totally see Channing Tatum playing the lead role.
You'd love to read it? That's swell Bob. I just happen to have a draft printed out on some top-shelf parchment I got as a Christmas present from Julie. Since you're coming up anyway, maybe you could bring your tool-belt with you and give that sink the old "look-see."
You will!
You're the best Bob."
