A one sentence, poorly spelled political comment made by Manly, Iowa resident Gary Lufkin on his Facebook page has gone viral and changed the nature of the 2012 Presidential political race.The comment, which overnight made its way onto t-shirts and bumper stickers, was so galvanizing and ground breaking that both major candidates for our nation's highest office, incumbent President Barak Obama and Republican challenger, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, have suspended their campaigns and agreed to form a coalition, "English Parliament" style unity government with both candidates agreeing to share power 50-50.
At a joint press conference held in the town of Antlers, Virginia (a spot chosen because of its swing-state status) President Obama and Mitt Romney appeared together to answer questions from the press core following the two candidates. When asked who would actually occupy the Oval Office Romney stated "Co-President Obama and I have decided to put our desks side by side in the office, that way communication will be ideal, and if we clear our desks we can play a killer game of table tennis when we can't agree on policy."
Added Co-president Obama, "Michele and I have also decided to give Co-president Romney and Ann the Lincoln Bedroom so that they can come over to the residence at night and play couples Scrabble and Monopoly, which of course Co-President Romney will win every time!"
This joke lightened the mood among the press core, who up until that point had been in total disbelief of the ongoing turn of events.
"It's a totally unprecedented historical event" says Princeton history professor Dr. Thomas Wells. "It is right up there with Lincoln's Gettysburg Address and Patrick Henry's 'Give me liberty or give me death' comments before the Revolutionary War." Wells went on to say "It's ironic that a comment, that from one angle could be seen as thoughtless and unbelievably insensitive, has actually served to bring our nation together in the way it was after the attack on Pearl Harbor."
Adds Iowa State History Chair, Dr. Sarah Chalmers, "we did a detailed analysis of Mr. Lufkin's 893 Facebook friends and found that they split roughly down the middle on political viewpoints, and that the comment had the amazing potential to offend and infuriate both sides with its inflammatory, knuckleheaded phrasing and completely thoughtless nature.
"It's pretty amazing" continued Dr. Chalmers, "that these eight words" might go down in history as the single most important words ever said this side of Moses' "let my people go." Because if you take away the historical nature of the comment and view the sentence in a vacuum, it's actually one of the dumbest, most simpleton comments I've ever read. That it did so much good is akin to those two hundred monkeys typing on keyboards and producing the full text of Hamlet."
When reached for comment at his residence in his parent's basement in Manly (a picturesque town overlooking the Mississippi River in Iowa), former short-order cook Lufkin (he has just today agreed to a 21 Million dollar book deal with Pendant Publishing) reflected on his role in American history.
"Well, the comment (which can't be reprinted for this story due to the ongoing copyright and branding process) just kind of came to me. I had just knocked off work at 11 PM and I was just logging in on my parent's computer to see pictures of my friend John's new ATV that he had posted, and for some reason that comment just came out. I think it had something to do with the political slogan on the t-shirt John was wearing in the photos."
When asked about the screenplay he is writing for the inevitable Hollywood movie that will be developed around the story, Lufkin commented "I just flew into LA last week and had an all day meeting with both Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore at Dennys. Over cheesy waffle fries they agreed to co-produce and direct the film and we got both Charlton Heston and George Cloony to star." When informed that former NRA president Heston had passed away a few years ago Lufkin responded "yeah Rush brought that up, but he and Michael agreed to do one of those hologram things to work Heston into the film."
One group of people not yet on board with this newfound political good will is Congress. "It's one thing for two presidential candidates to get along so well" said Pennsylvania Senator Bill Winston, "it's quite another for the 535 members of the House and Senate to drop their differences. I mean, I just spent 10 million dollars in advertising for my campaign to get half of my state to despise the other half in an effort to win an extra 2% of the vote, and this guy's Facebook comment is changing all that?"
One House member, Rep. Paul Singer (Republican) from North Dakota has used the thawing of tensions in Congress to finally ask out Michigan Senator Cindy Lewis (Democrat) on a date. "I've had a crush on Senator Lewis for almost two years now, ever since they sent us on that fact finding mission to The Ukraine in the summer of 2010. But up until now my constituents back home would have set my downtown Bismark offices ablaze if I was seen eating out with the lovely Senator Lewis."
When informed of his status as a matchmaker in Congress, comment originator Lufkin got reflective.
"I'm sure glad I stopped for an energy drink on my way home from work that night. I think that started it all."
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